And, if you can't read this stuff (cuz' it's too tiny), simply select all the text, copy (Control-C), and paste (Control-V) into a blank document.
It just wouldn't be much of a 'fine print' if you could read it without squinting. At least, unlike TV, this stuff is actually viewable. Somehow.
This Web Site is best viewed at resolutions of 800 by 600 or better on any of the
latest available browsers by such companies as Mozilla and Microsoft. If you do
not have one of these browsers--I'm sorry. Things might not work right, and well,
you just should. Why do you have to be different? There's no need for that. Yes,
I've tried some of these programs, and no, I wasn't happy either. Switch, and get
used to conformity--you'll be doing it for a long while.
The pages are written entirely in English. If you speak a different language natively,
well, I guess you might be having a problem reading this (BEYOND the obvious reasons
you might be having a problem reading this). You can simply go to Altavista or another
service, and let Babel Fish translate the whole thing for you. With the exception of
the buttons and the pictures. Those will remain in cold, hard, comforting American-Style English.
Get used to it. For some reason, English is permeating the world. You can't fly an airplane
or surf the Web without knowing rudimentary English. So, congratulations, you now have a reason
to start learning. And no, nobody is going to respect you for the languages you already knew, they
will just point and laugh at your silly accents and your mistakes. Including using certain
superfluous letters like the U in humour, or spelling words like gray with an e. Okay,
so I do it too. Years of French class will do that to anyone.
These pages may or may not contain adult material. They may or may not contain childish material.
Isn't this basically the same thing? What kid do you know doesn't know how to outwit you and
find more Swedish Pornography sites than you--all for free (and YOU have been paying 29.95 a month!).
Hell, if they're smart enough to get to it, let 'em see it, right? The same goes for your
porno collection, gentlemen. You remember how easy it was to find your father's collection?
Well, you are your father now. Do your best to hide it. No, I won't take down any offensive or
objectionable material. I am simply going to maintain that I am ignorant of any material, and that
I have all-of-a-sudden forgotten how to program HTML, and that complying remains an elusive subject
for me. To solve this problem, simply click the X in the upper right hand corner of this window, or
better yet, press the O-N/O-F-F switch on the front of your monitor and/or computer. This will take
care of the problem. So would going outside and getting some exercise. Only a fat untanned pig would
call attention to the fact that I occasionally use the F word. You can't say flip you to me. Flip you!
I'm not crazy. (Institution!). You're the one who's crazy. (Institution!). Stick me
in an institution, say it was the only solution, leaving me to professional help to protect me
from the enemy myself. All I wanted was a Pepsi. This, however, is wrong. All I wanted was a Coke!
If for any reason you think that I should be confined to a cell, well, I guarantee that you and I will
enjoy playing a raucous game of ping-pong up there in Bellevue. This is, because, despite all
available outs, you continued to look at my pages. You, therefore, must be a loony. Have a good day,
your fitting for your "I love me" jacket is at 3 o'clock.
How did I get such a small font, you ask? Simple, I tried to steal it. When that didn't work,
I simply figured out how to do it in style sheets, using the small function. It can get worse.
What, if all of a sudden the text just started getting smaller
and smaller and smaller? Chances are pretty good, you couldn't read it.
But, for ease (ha!), I will normalize the font size. To f'ing tiny.
If you have any complaints, keep them to yourself. If a part of my site doesn't work, try the following remedies:
Now, if there are any broken links, missing pages, graphics, or otherwise, feel free to let me know. I
would prefer the 'standard' method, which includes a post-it brand note being attached to a twenty dollar
bill. Upon this post-it, put your bank account information, credit card information, as well as any pertinent
information I might need, such as your mother's maiden name. Then, I might actually take a look and
try to remedy the situation. But, in all honesty, wouldn't it be quicker if you just did that whole 'resolving'
thing, understanding that it's likely that the server just may be having a problem? Of course, I will always welcome
comments, suggestions, and such 'broken' information via email.
- Get smarter
- Turn off your computer, and turn it back on. This solves 95% of the problems
- Do that again
- And again
- Re-Start your Internet connection
- Get a different browser
- Get glasses
- Resolve yourself to the fact that it isn't going to work
- Notice now, that it's working (That's how it works, usually)
Donations are gladly accepted. Please write for wiring instructions.
Feel free to steal anything you want from this site. I probably did to get it on here in the first place. Any artwork or
things you want are yours to keep. How the hell would I stop you anyway, and why should I? I consider it
an honor if you actually even deem it worthwhile to steal, what with knowing how easy it is to
steal and get away with it. Merry Christmas, happy new year, and things of that nature--regardless of
your religion (because I could really care less about it.)
Have fun. Enjoy life. If you aren't happy, please discontinue use of this Web Site, and, the Internet in general.
I have learned, and I would like to let you know, that using the Internet will NOT make you feel better unless
you are at the very bottom. If you're still looking at online dating sites, you are not at the bottom yet. You
will notice you are at the bottom when sites like mine and lowbrow make you feel happy because 'at least I am not like that guy'.
It's very refreshing, isn't it, noticing that, well, as f'ed up as you are, that you can still point to 5 billion other people
that are worse off. Mainly in Asia, right? Well, okay, Walmart too.
Please. Get help. If you are here, you really need some. I mean, not that you're sick or anything, but
come on, it's not THAT bad of a day outside is it? Call me up, come over, let's go do something, and we'll both
get our asses off of the computer. Single, willing, wanting, and female? Well, umm. No, I don't know how I would
handle that. Suggestions?
Talk to you soon. Thank you for visiting. Site may cause drowsiness. Do not operate heavy machinery within four hours of visit. Use of alcohol or other drugs may intensify the affect and cause jealousy. Your frequent flyer account has been credited. Please pull forward to the second window.